Yes, hello everyone...
Right now, allow me to just air out all these sentiments I have been enduring ever since uhmmm... 2011 I guess?
Well, I'm feeling so unimportant and disregarded by a friend who "used" to be so dear to me... [hence, the term is "used to be" because now we're worst than strangers...]
I just want you guys to look at the situation I am in right now and decided who is at fault...
Firstly, this used to be friend which I'll name as "Em" we became friends because something really really terrible happened to her and I take pity on her and I took her side because I think she's on the right one. Mind you, the other person she had conflicted with is also a friend who is very dear to me but despite that fact I still sided on Em. Well, you know you'll not just decide in which team or group you are with in an argument without knowing the real, the side-by-side stories and what is the reality. So with that, basing everything under all the things I've witnessed, I've heard and I've proven I took Em's side because I think Lee's, the other friend I've got, is really wrong and is at fault at this time. So that's when Em and I became close...
For almost two years, everything is really going well. We became bestfriends, Em even manages to join in tot the group I have she was warmly accepted and we're talking almost everyday, we chit chat about everything may it be non-sense or just anything. Really everything is perfectly fine... not until another person butt in to the picture, and I'm gonna call her Plas, that's when I feel something in our friendship is suddenly changing...
She became so hard to talk with...
She got mood swings that neither I couldn't really get why.
She refuses to talk to me and she started giving one-word or one-letter replies even if my question needs some explanation and some sorts...
It's like Em doesn't see me nor appreciate my presence when I'm around and our conversation will be lengthen if and only if she's talking or telling stories about Plas.
I just got tired hearing all these Plas stuff so what I did was to tell it to her directly that I'm not really into discovering or knowing the whole biography of Plas and why can't we just talk about anything else just like before but I am really shocked when she told me that if that becomes the case then it wouldn't be interesting anymore and it'll just bore her....
For a moment I was quiet and still there and trying to grasp and reiterate each and every word she said to me right in that moment... It's like as I'm replaying each she told me they are all yelling at me saying, "Plas don't bore me!!! UNLIKE YOU!"
I'm really really surprised.
Hearing those come from a so-called bestfriend, I decided to just do or to treat her the way she's treating me... but as days, weeks, months passes by I just can't really take the fact that she doesn't even noticed that there's something going on with our friendship she didn't even bother to ask if everything's going? NO! Of course, she's not going to as long as she and her Plas were together nothing's gonna mean more.
But looking at it, I just can't stand it seeing are friendship go into trash or something, so what I did was to tell it to her. I said, "Hey! You changed... What's up? You're being cold not only to me but to the whole group as well... What happened?"
Well, you're not going to like what she replied to me she said, "Oh! Come on! Another drama? Stop it will you? I'm just so tired on all of your Dramas and your issues. CUT IT OFF! Will you?"
Well, that's a pretty oh not, that's a really hard blow right in my face...
Hearing that I became frantic and I don't know what to do. What came to my mind was to immediately apologize to her and hope that she could still give me a chance to bring back the friendship we have... I don't really know what's on my mind during that time because I'm not thinking if I'm being a hypocrite or silly or stupid apologizing right away even if I know, I didn't do anything... All I really want was to save and save and save the friendship and its not my intention to worsen the gap so I just take the blame...
But then as time passes by, it seems like the gap and distance between our friendship gets wider and wider that even I can't patch it up or cover it up by my "sorrys," "I apologize" or "okays..."
With that, I give it another one last try, to try opening up the topic but then as soon as Em figure out that our conversation would go on the same topic again she just keeps on refusing and avoiding the topic...
That's when the time I decided to tweet and post what I'm really feeling on Twitter and Facebook, but then Em just din't like the idea of me doing that cause it's like backstabbing her and broadcasting to everyone how bad she is so I refrain from doing that but then... a snap on my mind suddenly changes everything and that's when I decided to just leave Em alone since it seems like I'm the only one caring or wanting this friendship to end... I cried, believe me... for almost everyday in a month thinking and contemplating what have I done and why are these things happening but then a friend of mind suddenly wake me up and advises me to stop acting being so P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C instead show her I'm still the best even without her....
Thinking about all the things I've done just to be able to reach, to talk to her and to save our friendship I kinda feel that I'm acting too martyr and my friend is right. I'm really pathetic and is really being stupid.
Imagine I humbled myself just to be able to know and to keep the friendship but it seems like for its worthless...
I could say I moved on now, but... right now, I'm still hoping I could still bring back the friendship we had... That's why I decided to check on her so when I looked at her profile and tweets,... Em seems so very happy and contended... Pain strikes me cause it seems as though she didn't mind not having my presence around....
That's when I started being so bothered and troubled again... Am I really that unimportant? that even my bestfriend could just disregard me so easily?
I don't know but it really really hurts me...
I know I'm being too silly and stupid but I don't know. It just really bothers me....
Any way I just really want to let this all out... So forgive me if this kinda annoy or disturb you...
I'm just *sighs* feeling unworthy right now because of what's happening..
Anyway, I do appreciate you guys for bearing with me... It really means a lot! Thank you! Thank you!
allystuffandetc
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